[Early in the year], I reached out to my GP for Mental Health support. I had spoken to an online GP briefly 2 months prior but had never received or been given any MH support prior. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, alongside support for some symptoms of eating disorder stemming from an extreme diet. The GP support did help and I felt better over the month.

At the end of the month, I had discussed and agreed with my partner to have a contraceptive implant inserted. We had decided we did not want children and it felt a good decision considering my recent MH [mental health] difficulties. They performed a pregnancy test that was negative. In the 3 weeks following the implant being fitted, my MH dramatically changed and I became extremely suicidal. I felt very hormonal and did question if this was related to the implant.

I was dismissed and referred to the Community Mental Health Team for an assessment. I was given a diagnosis of EUPD [emotionally unstable personality disorder] on an impression from Psychiatrist and commenced on anti-psychotics alongside anti-depressants. I didn’t feel the diagnosis was right but I didn’t feel empowered to question this.

In the two months following, I began to gain weight and feel very nauseous. I had been advised that this was a common side effect of starting new medication and would pass. [A few  months later] I had began to experience severe breast pain. I felt very embarrassed to see a GP but did not know why I had experienced this. When I visited the GP, they asked if I was using contraception and I told them I had had the implant. They said that my symptoms were down to my MH/Anxiety, prescribed anti-sickness tablets, took some bloods and referred me to a Breast Oncologist for ‘peace of mind’.

I attended the Oncologist who advised it was health anxiety. I didn’t feel that my physical health symptoms were being taken seriously but acknowledged that they had taken blood tests and referred me for investigations. I began to experience severe sickness and increasing weakness throughout [the following month]. I was being sick continuously, I would wake up choking on vomit at times. I had no energy.

My GP prescribed more anti sickness tablets and took some blood tests. When I tried to explain to the GP how much it was impacting my day to day life, it felt very minimised. My relationship with my partner had been really affected, I do not have many friends and my family are estranged. I didn’t feel I had anyone to advocate for me but I was getting more unwell.

[A couple of months later], my blood results were becoming deranged. I was referred for advice from a Haematologist, who advised it was due to smoking cigarettes. I was physically examined by a GP and told that there was no cause for concern.

On the last week of [the month], I became very unwell to the point I could not stand up due to vomiting. I contacted the duty GP and expressed my concerns. He questioned me on my mental health, asked if it was a temporary stomach bug, and told me that the surgery had already looked into my health and no concerns. The following day, I began to experience pain similar to a UTI. I was worried but did not feel anyone would take this seriously.

The pain continued throughout the day until it became unbearable in the evening. I tried to reach my phone and began to haemorrhage. I called 999 for assistance, but reassured them I’d recently seen a GP and had been told I was okay. In the 10 minutes that followed, I delivered a stillborn baby girl. My daughter was approximately 7.5 months old when she was born. They had not performed a pregnancy test at any point over the months of healthcare or when diagnosing my MH.

It was a very upsetting and traumatic time for me. I was alone and an ambulance did not arrive for 25 minutes. I did enter a deep sense of shock and disconnection due to the spontaneous birth.

As soon as I got to the Hospital, I was questioned around my MH. I was taken to a Bereavement Suite and immediately informally questioned by a Police Officer. I did not have any support throughout the night, the Police showed no kindness or compassion,  and I did develop PTSD from the events.

On the birth of my daughter, I was advised I probably didn’t need anti-psychotic medication, and I complained regarding the EUPD diagnosis. They have never apologised or explored this since that initial impression when I was going through early pregnancy changes. Despite this, on the safeguarding enquiry into my daughters death, they listed EUPD as my PMH [past medical history].

To this day, whenever I have tried to seek any justice for my daughter or myself, I have been blocked by this poorly given diagnosis. I was advised that I should have requested a second opinion but how is a person able to do this when they are unwell and unsupported?

Since the death of my daughter, my life has suffered immeasurably. My partner ended the relationship a week after the loss. My workplace refused maternity pay due to the spontaneous nature of events and I had to sell my items to afford my rent whilst living on SSP. I am a Registered Nurse, and had been working in healthcare for many years prior to the trauma. My experience and the trauma has bulldozed my career despite moving to non-clinical work. I have reached a point of poverty and possible eviction due to the impact this had on my working ability in the last 2 years.

Living alone and being unable to afford to move from the house that carries this much death and trauma is so difficult. I am uncertain about my future. I wanted to share my experience as I do feel that there has been stigma, I have felt very invalidated since the moment I received this diagnosis.

I made the presumption that I could trust the GP to exclude the most basic of things. They made an assumption on my MH. There has never been any accountability for the impact of my daughters death and it grieves me heavily.

Speak your truth: your own experiences can help create change

If you want to share your experiences around this diagnosis you can take part in Platfform’s Truth Project.

Platfform are campaigning for a review of the use of the diagnosis of PD. Add your voice to our call for change by sharing your story. We will share these with Welsh Government and use them to strengthen our campaign.

For more information, and to access the survey, click here.

If you are in a mental health crisis, please read this paragraph

If you have been affected by anything in this story and would like to talk to someone you can call Samaritans on 116 123. You can also call the national mental health support line for advice on 111 (press 2.)